She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
