so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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