I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
