Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
