My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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