I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
