why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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