My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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