if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
