I will die if light touches me.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I party with great urgency now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
