I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
