wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
