im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
