a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
