He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
