Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
