about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
