More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
