I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
