I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
