Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i out mim tonsoeep
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
