Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
