What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
