I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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