Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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