I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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