what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I need water and some morals
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
