Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I want a musical about memes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
