I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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