Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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