Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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