I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
