Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
