I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
