Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he thought i was a dude.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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