i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
