OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just cut my nipple shaving
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
