Already got asked if we're dating
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
