there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's shark week go big or go home
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
