i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
