I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
