just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
