...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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