All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
