Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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