so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
