i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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