I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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