Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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