Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
